


it's killing me to see you this way

by orphan_account



Series: Little Talks [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, But he's a good boy and we love him, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Rex, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kix is a Good Bro, M/M, Mando'a, Miscarriage, Mpreg, No Smut, Rex is stubborn, anakin is a good bro, but no one asked for this, it's a plot device okay, mention only, no beta we die like men, people asked for more, still using it for my own purposes, we're at it again, why do i hurt the ones i love, yeah we're going there, yet here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Five times Rex didn’t ask for help when he should have and one time he didn’t need to
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/CT-7567 | Rex, CT-5597 | Jesse/CT-6116 | Kix, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Little Talks [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705579
Comments: 30
Kudos: 161





	it's killing me to see you this way

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow up to my fic ‘some days I can’t even trust myself’, they can both be read on their own though. These six scenes are sequential and follow each other directly in the timeline with the exception of the first one, which is a prequel to ‘some days’ and then number two takes off directly after ‘some days’.

I. _Flashback_

The world felt dark and heavy as Rex fought his way back to consciousness. He slipped away a few times and lost time, gaining new details each time he surfaced. His limbs were stiff and his muscles sore, so it had been some time since he’d moved under his own power. His head ached and he smelled of bacta, so he was probably in the med bay. It was quiet, so he was in one of the private rooms reserved for the Jedi or especially wounded soldiers.

Soldiers that ended up in these rooms rarely made it back to service, usually too injured to ever go back to the front lines. If the Stars were smiling, they were reassigned to a non-combat position. If they weren’t, they got a one way ride back to Kamino.

It was that thought which propelled Rex all the way to consciousness with a spike of adrenaline and a gasp.

“Easy, Captain, easy,” a brother’s voice said and Rex turned toward the warm pressure of a hand on his arm.

“Kix?” Rex frowned, his throat hurt when he spoke. He continued anyway. “What am I doing here?”

“You were thrown thirty meters by a bomb blast. Skywalker pulled you out just in time. You’ve been in bacta for the better part of three rotations.”

Rex nodded, his memory supplying him with enough fragmented images of fire and pain to corroborate Kix’s story. That didn’t explain the private room though. Or the crease between the medic’s eyebrows and the downward pull on his mouth that said someone had been a _Royal Di’kut_ again.

A look pointed squarely in Rex’s direction.

“And why am I in here?”

Kix smiled with no warmth. “Well that’s because we had to pull you out of bacta when your blood started to boil your brain.” He nodded toward the IV of super cooled saline currently being pumped into Rex’s arm. “That’s keeping you sane. You’re in pre-heat. Which is really pretty remarkable because I didn’t know Betas could _go into_ heat, Captain.”

Rex swallowed and laid his head back to stare at the ceiling, a heavy weight forming in his stomach.

“What have you been taking, Rex?” 

The captain made no move to answer so Kix prompted him again a moment later. “Rex?”

“Suppressants, what do you think, Kix?” Rex snapped, picking absently at the IV in his arm.

Kix pushed his hand away. “I’ve known you for two years Rex and I’ve never scented a hint of Omega on you. You know as well as I do theres not a suppressant in the galaxy that works that well. Not a legal one anyway.”

Rex remained silent against the unspoken question at the end of that sentence.

“Kriff Rex, do you know what kind of side effects those things can have?” Kix stood up, pacing from one end of the small room to the other. “Any internal bleeding I should know about? Headaches? Nausea.” He stopped, turning slowly toward the prone Captain. “Is that why you never eat anything other than those tasteless field rations, even when we’re not on a campaign?”

Rex’s eyes skipped guiltily toward the corner of the room before he stubbornly turned back to the ceiling, making a conscious effort to unclench his hands.

Kix swore again under his breath.

“Look, we’ll deal with your idiocy later." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "For now we need to figure out how we’re going to deal with your heat.”

That brought Rex’s eyes to his sharply, shock and a valiantly hidden note of fear in them.

“What do you mean, I thought this was helping with that.” He lifted his arm to indicate the cold IV.

“That is a stopgap measure. It is helping for now because you’re only in pre-heat. When your real heat hits it’ll be useless.”

“What can you do?”

“Well with an Alpha-”

“ _Without_ an Alpha.” Rex interrupted sharply.

Kix pursed his lips. “Theres plenty of Alphas on the ship who would be willing to help, Rex, there’s nothing wrong with-”

“I _said_ , what can you do _without an Alpha_ , Kix.” Rex said, putting every bit of Captain Rex behind his words.

Kix stared at him from across the room and Rex stared right back, unyielding.

“I’m not sure there’s any medical interventions that would work.” The medic said finally. “If we’d known there was an Omega on board, The Resolute would have been outfitted with a Heat Room. Maybe we can retrofit a Rut Room for your use but...not in time.”

Rex went back to staring at the ceiling.

“Put me under.”

“Did I not mention the boiling your brain thing?”

“The IV will keep my temperature down enough to keep that from happening.” It was a guess, but Kix’s lack of protest told him he’d guessed right. “Strap me down. I’ll be fine.”

“Rex.” Kix’s voice cracked and Rex looked at him, surprised by the horror on his face. “Even if I could allow that as a medic...I’m not sure I could as an Alpha. Or as your friend. You...have you even had a heat before?” He wasn’t sure how long Rex had been on suppressants, but it had been years at least.

“One, before I got suppressants. I was caught in an ambush behind enemy lines.”

Kix’s mouth hung open for several seconds trying to work through the implications of that statement.

“Rex...did they...are you saying they...”

Rex looked at him, face like stone, eyes like ice. “Straps. IV. No Alpha. Understood?”

Kix swallowed several times, taking only the barest comfort from the fact that he could see Rex’s scent gland and it was unscarred. He hadn’t been forcibly bonded.

“It’s...not going to be pleasant.”

Rex’s smirk was sharp and bitter. “I wouldn’t expect it to be.”

Kix did as Rex asked, despite all of his misgivings and he and the one other medic who knew of Rex’s true status, and thankfully was a null, took turns keeping watch over him through his heat.

Rex remembered almost nothing from that heat, a fact for which he would be forever grateful.

But the sounds of his friend’s cries and pleas and pain were something Kix could never forget.

He made the requisition orders for supplies needed for a Heat Room with his very next order.

* * *

II. _events take place directly after ‘some days I can’t even trust myself’_

Rex shifted toward the warm body pressed close against him feeling foggy but safe. An arm tightened around his waist and he sighed, breathing in a scent that was familiar and settled heavily on the back of his tongue.

“Finally coming around, sunshine?” A voice rasped just above his ear.

Rex frowned, feeling grumpy and floaty and not at all ready to move.

“No.”

The chest he was pressed to vibrated with a low rumbling laugh that made Rex smile in spite of himself. He shifted and looked up into Cody’s face, the brown eyes sparkling down at him with a smile.

“Hey.”

Cody laughed again. “Hey yourself. I’ve been bored out of my mind waiting for you to wake up. My arm fell asleep an hour ago.”

He shifted meaningfully and Rex sat up, only to hiss and grab his side when the movement pulled on stitches he didn’t know he had.

“Easy Rex, you just got out of surgery.” Cody said, easing the Captain back down beside him, the playfulness in his tone replaced with concern. 

Rex frowned, noting for the first time the large bandage on the left side of Cody's face, then looked down and saw they were both dressed in medical blacks.

“What…why are we here?”

Cody’s frown deepened.

“You don’t remember?”

Rex thought back, trying to figure out what it was that had landed him in the med bay this time.

It must have been late. The large room was quiet, most of the beds lay empty, but he could see the door was open and the light in Kix’s office was on.

“We took some fire. Crashed…” Rex frowned, touching his stitches. “Something fell on me. Got knocked out.” He unconsciously started leaning back toward Cody, the fuzzy memory making him feel oddly vulnerable. Cody immediately drew his arm up across his shoulders again. “I know you were there. You got me out?” Rex searched his memory for more, shifting again and made a face at the sore muscles in his back and legs.

“It’s strange, I almost feel like I’ve been through a heat.” He quipped with a smirk, only to drop it suddenly when Cody’s face stayed serious.

“Kix called it a Shock Heat.”

Rex swallowed, staring back at him. “Kix?…Kix was there?”

Then, suddenly, Rex remembered.

He remembered _everything_.

Cody felt Rex go stiff as a board beside him and saw the heat rise in his cheeks.

“Rex,” he said, squeezing him. “No one thinks any less of you. You were not in control.” He waited, but Rex kept avoiding his gaze, the muscles in his jaw jumping under sudden strain.

“Hey,” he tried again. “Talk to me.”

Rex looked at him, eyes flashing and obstinate.

“Leave it, Codes.”

“ _Cyare,_ ” Cody sighed, “please don’t do this. Don’t block me out again.”

He returned Rex’s stare with an even one of his own.

“This doesn’t change anything.”

“ _Ne’johaa_ , Cody of course it does.” Rex hissed, his eyes flicking across the room to where Kix had started moving around in his office.

“It changes everything. How can the men respect me, how can they trust me when they know any little trauma might send me into some instinct driven sex haze where I’ll be useless to them?”

“It wasn’t a small trauma Rex!” Cody his voice low but hard. “You and I are the only two who survived that crash, and we barely did at that. And you are an incredibly competent Captain. Your men _do_ trust you and no quirk of biology is going to change that.”

Rex looked unconvinced, but Cody didn’t get a chance to continue before Kix approached them with his scanner.

“Awake I see, how are you feeling, Captain?”

Rex answered Kix’s questions and allowed him to poke and prod and scan and pretended not to notice the way he and Cody kept exchanging meaningful glances when they thought he couldn’t see.

It only served to drive him into a darker mood.

They were _handling_ him.

They wouldn’t be doing that if he were an Alpha.

(If he were an Alpha he wouldn’t find their protective concern so endearing. Wouldn’t have to clench his hands to keep from reaching out for Cody’s. Wouldn’t be trying so hard to ignore the way his mind was screaming at him to stop being stubborn and just let Cody wrap his arms around him because he is _safe_ and _strong_ and despite being back on board his own ship Rex didn’t actually _feel_ safe or strong yet on his own.)

Rex was drawn out of his brooding by the doors to the medbay opening and Kenobi entering. The Jedi looked tired but otherwise well and smiled when he saw the group of clones at Rex’s bed.

“Good morning, I see we’re all getting an early start today.” Kenobi watched as Kix tried to smile at his joke, Cody barely looked at him, instead watching Rex carefully. Rex either didn’t notice or was trying very hard to pretend so.

“Feeling better Captain?”

Rex straightened and Kix fussed immediately that he should be resting, not trying to show off for the General.

“I’m fine sir.” Rex said, paying the medic no mind, which made Kix swear and roll his eyes. 

“Not nearly as fine as he is stubborn.” Cody grumbled. This earned him a glare and Kix used the opportunity to push Rex gently, but firmly, back into a laying position. 

Kenobi cleared his throat, causing them all three to turn their attention back to him and tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robe.

“Well, in any case,” He glanced apologetically at his Commander, “I came to tell you we’ve been given our next assignment by the council. We leave in 22 hours.”

It was Cody’s turn to straighten, his eyes going slightly wide. Unconsciously, he squeezed the hand he'd put on Rex's forearm.

“Sir, I don’t know if I should be separated from…”

“It’s fine Cody, you should go.” Rex cut in.

“Absolutely not, Rex, I’m not going to just leave you. Not now.”

“Cody,” Rex sighed, shrugging away from his hand despite the shiver of cold and _wrong_ that ran through him when he did so.

“Rex, I agree with Cody.” Kix added, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ve never been through a Shock Heat before, there may be side effects you’re not prepared for…”

“I’ll handle it.” Rex snapped, and Kix shut his mouth with a click and a glare. He turned back to Cody, who looked unimpressed by his show of force. “You can’t shirk your duties for me.”

“Rex-”

“Cody.” Rex gave into his instincts just enough to reach for Cody’s hand and squeeze it between his own. “I promise. I’ll be fine.”

Cody stared at him for several moments, a war raging in his eyes.

“You better be. If I find out you’re not I'll make your last battle with Grievous look like vacation.”

Rex smiled.

“I know.”

* * *

III.

Rex allowed himself to groan out loud because he was alone and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before sliding down to lay his too hot face on the tile floor of the Refresher.

He wrapped his hands around his stomach when it cramped and rolled again and squeezed his eyes shut, his head pounding in time with his heart as an invisible vice attempted to crush his skull.

The nausea had gotten near unbearable in the past week.

If Kix hadn’t given him a clean bill of heath when he went to get his stitches out two rotations ago he would have thought he’d gotten an infection of some type at the surgical site.

Of course, he hadn't mentioned the crippling nausea and headaches to the Medic...but then he hadn't asked. So who's fault was that?

With a few deep breaths in through his nose, out through his mouth, Rex rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

His eyes flicked toward the comm on the counter.

He was sick and alone and miserable so he allowed a self indulgent moment to miss his mate terribly.

He could comm him now. Rex wouldn’t even have to tell him he didn’t feel well, hadn’t been sleeping, couldn’t keep food down…Cody would just _know_. He would take on look at Rex and do whatever it took to get to him. He wouldn’t rest until Rex was in his arms again, safe and warm and cared for.

He’d make sure he had blankets for his Nest. Make sure he was getting enough to drink and eat. Make him as comfortable as possible. He wouldn’t judge Rex for the weakness of feeling ill. Wouldn’t say he was being pathetic or wallowing, though Rex knew he was.

But he didn’t care right then.

There, alone in his Refresher, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to let himself call Cody his Alpha and ask him to come. To tell Kix he wasn’t feeling well (hadn’t felt well for a standard week at least) and get excused from duty and retreat to his bunk until whatever was trying to kill him either gave up or succeeded.

Before he knew what was happening, Rex found his comm in his hand.

He nearly dropped it when it chirped loudly.

“Rex,” his voice came out in a rough whisper and he cleared his throat. “Rex here.”

 _“Hey Rex,”_ Anakin's voice crackled slightly over the connection, _“I know you’re not on duty for a while yet, but I wanted to show some of the officers that new tactical strategy you were explaining to me. Can you meet me in the War Room in five?”_

Rex squeezed his eyes shut and forced his voice to be stead. “Of course Sir.”

_“You’re the best, Rex.”_

Rex turned and put down his comm to lean over the sink and splash cold water on his face.

He looked up and scrutinized the dark bags under his eyes and unhealthy pallor of his skin.

“Thank Force for buckets.” He grumbled after swishing a palmful of water around his mouth and spitting it out.

He stood straighter and raised an eyebrow at his reflection.

“Pull yourself together, Captain.”

With one more steadying breath, he turned and left the Refresher, pushing his discomfort and pain to the back of his mind, as well as the strange niggling anxiety that came from that chest deep place that meant it was instinct not rational thought, that told him he should _stay_ and _protect_ and _prepare_.

He shook his head, stubbornly continuing to put on the missing pieces of his armor and growled when his hands shook.

He may have been an Omega ( _weak, needy, fragile_ ), but he was a Captain first ( _strong, dependable, proud_ ).

And his General needed him.

Rex jammed on his bucket and, with one last deep breath, he turned and left his quarters at a steady, measured pace.

* * *

IV.

Rex had been staring blankly off into the distance for several minutes now. He hadn’t moved, had barely breathed, and Kix was starting to get worried.

He sat down on the edge of his desk and folded his hands together instead of reaching out to lay a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“You sure you’re alright?” He asked softly.

Rex swallowed a few times before turning his eyes to meet his.

“It was the Shock Heat.”

Kix took a deep breath, nodding.

“More than likely. Neither of you were able to prepare as you would have for a normal heat. No shots. No protection.” He gave a small shrug. “These things happen.”

Rex’s mouth curled into a frown.

 _“Haar’chak.”_ He shook his head. “Just what am I supposed to do now, Kix? I can’t…” He started to gesture toward his stomach and then clenched his fists instead. “This wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Babies rarely are.” Kix said, trying to smile, but the crackling scent of distressed and angry Omega was setting his nerves on edge.

“I’m glad you find this so amusing.” Rex snapped, and Kix wiped the smile off his face. “I am a _Captain_ in the Grand Army of the Republic. I’m a soldier. I’m not… _karking_ _breeding stock_.”

“No you’re not.” Kix stood and moved to sit beside Rex on the couch. “But you are an Omega. And like it or not, you are going to have a kit.”

“I don’t _want_ kit.” Rex leapt to his feet, pacing away to face the wall. “I never wanted _any_ of this. I didn’t _ask_ to be an Omega and I worked my ass off to get where I am in spite of it. I can’t…” He bit off his next words, glaring at the wall and Kix waited silent and still for him to compose himself. “I never should’ve stopped taking those suppressants. If I hadn’t-”

“If you hadn’t, you’d be dead by now.”

Rex deflated slightly at that and Kix got up to approach him, his insides settling some when the other man let him put a hand on his shoulder.

“Rex. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

Kix winced when Rex immediately shrugged away and whirled around to face him.

“I. Am. A Soldier.”

Kix pressed his lips together and nodded slightly. “I know Rex.”

After holding his gaze for a few minutes he blinked and his eyes softened, some of the confusion and fear Kix knew he felt shining through.

“What am I going to do?”

Kix slowly reached out to grasp his elbow and led him back over to the couch. Rex sat without complaint and took to pillow Kix passed to him and rolled his eyes even as he hugged it to his chest, hating himself for the slight bit of comfort it provided.

“Listen, you don’t have to decide right now.” Kix said after a moment. “Why don’t you go get something to eat, take some time to think, call Cody and just…”

“No. I'm going back to work.” Rex started to stand but Kix stopped him. 

"Rex you've got to be kidding me." He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Why do you think you've been feeling so sick? Your body, your _instincts_ , are trying to tell you to rest. You need to slow down or you'll land yourself a bed out there. I can tell you've lost weight, and that's actually the opposite of what should be happening right now and those bags under your eyes tell me you probably don't even know the last time you slept."

Rex couldn't even find the energy to argue. He turned to look at the floor and shook his head.

"I can't tell him."

Kix frowned, confused.

“Rex, Cody is the…”

“Of course he is, I just…” He shook his head. 

How could Rex tell Cody about this when he hadn’t even come to terms with it himself? How could he tell him their lives were changed forever? How could he tell him he felt sick all the time (although now at least he knew why) and he somehow knew the only way he would feel better is if he could just lay on his bunk with Cody’s arms wrapped around him and not move for a few days?

Cody would feel trapped. He would be angry at the choice having been taken away from him. He would feel betrayed and alone.

Rex knew he would.

Because that was how Rex felt.

“Hey.”

Rex jumped and looked down at Kix’s hand on his forearm.

“You’re not alone, okay? Just talk to Cody. Even if he was somehow Di’kutla enough to abandon you, which you and I both know he won’t. But if he did, theres about a thousand men on this ship and a General who would be ecstatic to have an _ad’ike_ running around.”

Rex looked at him for several minutes, his face impassive and eyes too shiny not to be holding back tears.

“Tell him. Please.”

Rex’s head twitched. “I can’t. Not now.”

“But you will?”

Rex clenched his teeth and stood to leave suddenly, throwing the pillow down beside Kix as he did. “Don’t think I have much choice.”

The doors closed behind the Captain and Kix sighe, dropping his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes.

 _“Haa’rchak.”_

* * *

V.

When Anakin entered the medbay he scanned the beds but didn’t find the man he was looking for.

“Kix?”

The medic looked as though he’d dropped into the nearest chair just before his legs gave out and had his head buried in his hands.

Kix lifted his head slowly and rubbed his face before turning to him.

“Yes General?”

“Hey,” Anakin thought about asking about the Medic’s behavior and the aura of grief? Guilt? Coming off of him, but decided against it. The last mission had gone a little sideways and there was always plenty of those emotions to go around after that happened. He did make a mental note to comm Jesse though. “I was just looking for Rex?”

Anakin clocked a wince that flicked across Kix’s face and his eyes narrowed.

“I sent him to his quarters to rest.”

“Great, thanks.” Anakin turned to leave, surprised when a hand on his arm stopped him after only a few steps.

“Sir, was there something I can help you with?”

"No Kix, I just need to talk to the Captain for a minute.” Anakin assured him, but Kix didn’t let him go.

“Sir, Rex needs to rest.”

Anakin’s eyebrows drew together and he slowly turned back to face the medic.

“Whats going on?”

Kix stiffened, suddenly trying too hard to look nonchalant. Anakin didn’t need his exceptional connection to the Force to see through him.

“He was injured on the planet and I just...would prefer he not be disturbed.” Kix turned, busying himself with a few pieces of flimsi and charts on a nearby table.

“Bantha shit.” Anakin said, arms folded across his chest. “We both know if he was injured that badly you would never have let him leave. What’s really going on?”

Kix’s shoulders slumped.

“He asked to be left alone.” He said, sounding defeated, and slumped back down into the chair Anakin had found him in.

“Alone? Why?”

Kix folded his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m not really at liberty to say, General.”

Anakin frowned again and pulled a chair close enough so that their knees touched when he sat down.

"If something has happened that will effect Rex's ability to command, I need to know." When Kix didn’t seem to be making any attempt to speak, Anakin continued. "And...I’m his friend too, Kix.”

Kix bit his lip and met his General's eyes.

"Rex was expecting."

"Expecting like...you mean like..." Anakin waited for Kix to fill in the blanks, his eyes going wide when the Medic's silence confirmed what he couldn’t even bring himself to voice.

"I didn’t...he didn’t say anything. He didn’t tell me."

Kix shrugged. "I dont think he told anyone."

"You know."

"I'm his medic. I'm the one that told _him_."

"I'm his Commanding Officer. He should have told me." Anakin stood up and began pacing, running his mech hand through his hair repeatedly. "I sent him on a mission for Force's sake! I endangered him. Them both!"

Kix held up his hands. "It was a Diplomatic Escort, General. Hardly the front lines. I wouldn't have let him go if I thought it would be dangerous."

Anakin shook his head. "And yet Rex still ended up being captured by those terrorists and spent the better part of a rotation being tortured by electrocution for information." Anakin stopped when Kix didn’t even attempt to hide his wince this time.

"Wait...you said...you said 'was'."

Kix turned his grimace back to the floor.

"Yeah. Its...its gone. The trauma...it was too much."

Anakin let out a harsh breath the image of Padme flashing through his mind on his last transmission, her round belly evidence of the life she nurtured within her. The thought of losing them nearly broke his heart. He dropped back down into his chair.

"Is he okay…” Anakin trailed off, of course he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. "Is he going to be?"

Kix swallowed, shaking his head.

"I dont know."

They sat in silence like that for a few moments before Anakin startled Kix by standing suddenly to move to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to see him. He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I agree sir,” Kix said, catching up to him in the hall, “but you aren’t who he needs.”

Anakin stopped and looked at the medic about to protest, but thought better of it at the look on his face.

“Does he know?"

Kix swallowed and shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

Anakin took a deep breath and nodded. “Then you better come with me.”

* * *

+I.

Rex wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d moved. Curled up on his bunk, back pressed to one wall and staring across the darkness at the other. He hugged a pillow to his chest in one of the most fortified nests he’d ever made, using every one of the blankets he kept in storage that Cody always added to despite the fact that Rex stubbornly refused to use them. The darkness and silence were only broken by the door opening every so often when someone came to take away an untouched tray of food that was replaced by one that would remain equally untouched.

Rex hadn’t wanted the child.

He was a brother first, soldier second. A Captain, a friend.

Omega was way down on the list.

So why did knowing he’d failed in his most important duty as an Omega make his stomach clench so painfully he thought he might throw up.

Why did the pressure in his chest feel so insurmountable he didn't know whether to cry or scream?

Kaminoans barely tolerated Omegas among their batches. Nulls and Betas were preferred since their performance was nearly unhindered by pheromones from other types. And Alphas were actually stronger and faster by nature due to their status, which was why Jango was chosen in the first place.

But Omegas.

There was no tactical advantage to a soldier that could be rendered useless in battle by a heat, or distracted all the nearby Alphas with it’s sudden need to be protected and taken care of.

If Rex had presented on Kamino instead of after his first battle in that Separatist prison, he would have been decommissioned.

The thought struck Rex as a bit ironic, since the thought of dying was sounding more and more appealing the longer the days bled together.

The door opened again but the smell of food didn’t immediately follow this time.

Rex didn’t look up.

It took Cody’s eyes a few moments to adjust to the dark. The scents in the room were thick and overwhelming and Cody had to breathe through his mouth a few times before the stale scent of distress and despair and anger in the air set fire to the part of his brain that was more instinct than reason and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from taking whatever action the Alpha in him saw fit. 

His mate was curled up in the corner of his bunk, barricaded behind a wall of blankets and pillows that broke Cody’s heart. His Omega had been alone for too long.

He approached slowly, unsure of Rex’s state of mind. HIs heart twisted painfully at the sight of him, visions of _the future that won’t be_ running through his head _(new life, high pitched laughter, little footsteps_ ) and he pushed them aside harshly. He could deal with that later (drink over it, cry over it), right now, he had a grieving Omega who needed him.

“Rex?” Cody said softly. When there was no response he slowly reached out and laid a hand on Rex’s arm, stroking it softly. “Rex, can you hear me?”

Rex’s skin felt colder than it should, rough and unhealthy. He shook his head and pursed his lips. Of course Rex was neglecting his health, wouldn’t take comfort in another alpha no matter how badly he needed it. He barely let Cody take care of him.

He understood the bags under Kix’s eyes now.

Still, he took some comfort in the fact that he could see the pillow Rex had hugged to his chest, pressed right up under his nose was the one Cody always used when he was on board.

“Rex?”

He saw the man’s lips move and leaned forward when no sound came.

Rex licked his lips and tried again.

“Alpha?”

Cody’s gut clenched and he tightened his hand on Rex’s arm.

“Yes. I’m here, you stubborn _di’kut._ ” He shook his head slightly, bringing his other hand up to sooth through Rex’s short blonde locks. “All you had to do was ask.”

“Alpha.” He said again, his voice breaking with unshed tears. Cody inhaled sharply and immediately climbed into the bunk, hauling Rex up into his lap against his chest. He felt Rex curl toward him and fist his hand in the chest of Cody’s dress grays. Cody was doing admirably at keeping his own tears at bay until the moment he felt Rex start to tremble and his neck grew wet where his face was pressed into it.

“I’m sorry,” Rex murmured against his skin, sounding broken. “I should have…it’s all my fault…I’m sorry.”

“It's not, no _cyare_. Of course it’s not your fault.” He pressed his lips to Rex’s forehead, pulling him tighter even to his chest. “It’s not your fault.”

“I wasn’t careful enough…I should have…I’m sorry.”

Cody just shook his head again and held the trembling Omega to him while sobs racked his body. Rex’s anguish grated against Cody’s hind brain and he fought to keep his head level, but his eyes went to the door repeatedly anyway, ready to attack even the slightest threat that might present itself in order to protect the exceptionally vulnerable Omega in his arms.

Cody didn’t know how long he waited until Rex’s scent had mellowed some and his breathing had evened out.

He gave him one more gentle squeeze. “Lets get you cleaned up.”

Rex whined when Cody tried to move and he sat back immediately, alarmed slightly at the non verbal response. The only time Rex was ever so deep in his instincts that his words failed him was at the height of a heat.

The fact that it was happening now made Cody worry for his mate’s mental state.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he soothed. “I’ll come with you. Will you let me help you?”

He took Rex’s lack of protest the next time he moved as answer enough and moved them both to the end of the bed and brought Rex to the fresher. He sat him on the stool beside the sink as he turned on the shower and undressed, doing the same to Rex whose blacks looked not to have been changed in days.

Once they were both pressed into the shower stall under the warm spray, Rex’s arms encircled him and seemed content to let Cody take care of things as long as he didn’t try to move away.

Cody finished washing them both, wrapped Rex in a towel as he dressed in a fresh pair of blacks and then helped Rex his own set before leading them back out to the bunk.

They curled up chest to chest, Rex with his head tucked under Cody’s chin as he held him, and eventually slipped into something between wakefulness and sleep.

Cody loosened his hold and moved until Rex was laying more on Cody’s chest and Cody was on his back.

“Hey, you back with me?” Cody asked, rubbing one hand up and down Rex’s back.

Rex was quiet for long enough Cody assumed the answer was ‘no’.

“Thank you.” Rex’s voice was quiet and rough but alert.

Cody smiled down at the top of his head. “You’re my Omega. I’ll always come for you.”

“I never wanted to be anyone’s Omega.” Rex sighed. "You change that."

“I know.” Cody bit his lip. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“It’s not your fault. Like you said, you would have been here if I’d asked.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I thought I had more time. To…think. To figure things out. I just…I thought there would be more time.”

Cody tightened his hold again, pressing his face into Rex’s hair. “I’m so sorry Rex.”

“I didn’t want it.” Rex said, his voice starting to sound thick again. “I didn’t want to be…I didn’t…so why…why does it hurt so much?”

Cody didn’t answer, just held him quietly, and if Rex was crying again well, Cody knew the feeling.

They stayed like that, curled up together in the darkness for a few hours, sometimes talking, sometimes not. Crying, grieving, mourning the life they didn’t ask for and didn’t know they wanted.

Rex wanted to ask Cody something, the same question he always wanted to ask when they were together. The question he never allowed himself to because it was weak and needy and so very very _Omega_ of him.

He shifted to look up into Cody’s face for the first time and Cody stared back patiently while he worked to force the words form his throat.

“How long can you stay?”

Cody leaned down to capture his lips before responding, congratulations and gratitude in his eyes as he did.

“As long as you want me to.”

Rex almost argued. Almost said that was ridiculous. He was just one man and Cody had an entire Battalion of men who needed him, depended on him, including a Jedi with a penchant for getting in trouble that rivaled Rex’s own.

Instead, Rex smiled, just a little, and laid his head back down on Cody’s chest.

“Good. _Ner’kote_.”

Things weren’t alright. Would not be alright for a while. But as another day bled away in the darkness, Rex allowed himself to revel in the feel of an Alpha, _his alpha_ , beside him and sighed.

Rex’s scent slowly blossomed into the sweet, woody scent he was familiar with, and Cody smiled.

“ _Ner’omega._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, drop a line if you did please!
> 
> Mando'a:
> 
> haar'chak - damn it  
> di'kut/di'kutla - idiot/idiotic  
> ner'kote - my Cody, a term of endearment  
> ner'omega - my Omega


End file.
